Text Messages From 2011
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I just spent the morning reading all of our text messages to each other from 2011 to 2021. I have to fugure out how to download them including all the photos because this is an incredible record of everything we said to each other. How does it make me feel to read these today?
Why Do I Write?
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I didn't have closure when we broke up and I won't have closure now because I didn't speak with her then and I can't speak with her now. I didn't see her sick. I didn't see her die. I can only imagine and my brain cannot accept it yet. So I write about Marie as if she is still alive and still with me which she still is in my mind.
What Good Would it Do?
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I just want to see Marie one more time, to hug her, to hear her voice to talk with her and to be with her. I respect that she is in other relationships and don't want to interfere. So I have always stayed back. It wouldn't even do any good to revive her feelings because she has new ones.
If I REally Wanted to
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Here is the crazy part. If I really wanted to I would go deep down inside myself, deep into my spirit and ask to communicate. But, I haven.t done that. I have always reserved that for true deep desires.
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