I just spent the morning reading all of our text messages to each other from 2011 to 2021. I have to fugure out how to download them including all the photos because this is an incredible record of everything we said to each other. How does it make me feel to read these today?
I am in shock. Reading these makes that time real like it is today. All the feelings are locked in time When I read her replies I feel her emotions. I am shaking because it is just not possible that she is gone. Not possible.
When I met Marie I had a small flip phone. She had her own blackberry phone with the keypad on the phone and she gave it to me because she had a new one from her work. Later just before Christmas we went to a Bell shop because I wanted to upgrade my phone. I had been using my Florida phone number with Comcast which was local calling for all of North America but people who called me had to pay long distance. Since I opened the gym in 2018 I used my Florida number. We went in and looked at IPhones. It wa too expensive for me at $275 for an IPhone 4S and they wouldn't give me a montreal number without a credit application and credit check. Marie then said she would buy me the phone and would put me on her phone number. I was shocked because no one had ever bought me anything or done anything for me like that. The contract was for three years and I turned to her and said I will always remember my whole life. I asked "are you sure Marie that we will be together for three years?". And she said yes. I remember that moment. Marie had just met me just a month ago and she was making a commitment to us being together for three years. All my text messages begin on November 14, 2011. This is the day Marie bought me an IPhone and put me on her phone plan with her personal number.
So how do I feel reading her text messages to me? Excited, unnerved, and a bit like I did when I drove my motorcycle at 225 kph, just shaking and unable to do anything, unable to consentrate, stomach in knotted nerves. It was like speaking to her. All those texts and all those feeling were real and neither of us could see what was coming in the future.
I know Marie loved me. She told me. She called me the love of her life. She told me she had never been touched by anyone like this before. Those feelings were real. And to me they are forever. But there were many reasons why she left me and why she cried when she left me. That will be for another time. That's why this blog is about My Marie. The Marie that I knew and that knew me from 2011.