I just want to see Marie one more time, to hug her, to hear her voice to talk with her and to be with her. I respect that she is in other relationships and don't want to interfere. So I have always stayed back. It wouldn't even do any good to revive her feelings because she has new ones.
So what good would it do? None, no good really. Nothing. It doesn't matter, not to anyone at all just to me. And, it is even embarrassing to me. Nothing will come of it. It cannot be changed. I write about life but it is really about death.. What can't be accepted is that death is final. Can't go back. You had your chance. So write your little heart out until you realize that is doesn't do any good. Until you accept it as final. Until you let go and move on. When Kuma was in the hospital, Marie told me to let her go.
I wrote about my dog Kuma for ten years and at first wrote over 70 posts or articles. It helped me understand. It helped me accept it a bit more but it did question everything in my life.
What good will it do to remember and write about Marie? It will let me express my emotions. It will let me walk through my stages of grief. It will help me understand.
I still have Marie answering my phone when it goes to voicemail. I never wanted to erase that, but I never thought that she would no longer exist. Every once in a while I would call my phone and let it go to voice mail just to herar her voice. Now it will be eiry.
So what good will it do? It will help me in this transition. How long will this last? I don't know. I am beginning to look for signs.